“Saturday Night Live” poked pleasing at the newest assortment of headline-grabbing celebrity arrests with a cold open sketch that launched collectively in a jail cell Lori Loughlin, Michael Avenatti and Michael Keaton as Julian Assange.
The sketch — a play on the MSNBC current “Lockup” — opens on three inmates chatting about what acquired them behind bars, with certainly one of many actors calling the crimes Kenan Thompson’s character devoted insane.
“You think that’s insane? I paid 500 grand to get my daughter into USC,” says Kate McKinnon as Loughlin, who was charged throughout the widespread faculty admissions dishonest scandal.
“I paid 500 grand to a women’s crew coach to say my daughter was good at rowing,” she offers. “I’m loco.”
The ersatz Loughlin goes on to say that she “owns the guards in here. I helped their kids get into top-rate pre-Ks” and that she bribed her method into the Nation of Islam for $100,000. She moreover makes quite a lot of references to “Full House,” along with the enduring line “how rude.”
Still, Thompson tells her she “won’t survive in here more than a week.”
“You think prison is hard?” McKinnon’s Loughlin laughs. “I’ve done 68 Hallmark movies. I’ve seen hell, man.”
Then in walks Pete Davidson as Michael Avenatti, who was charged Thursday in a 36-count federal indictment.
“Did somebody say crazy?” the pretend Avenatti says. “I’m accused of crimes you can’t even conceive of, like blackmailing a sneaker agency and stealing taxes from a espresso retailer to fund a racecar crew. And I’m so shady pornstar as quickly as talked about she wished to distance herself from me.
“And what the worst half is?” he offers. “I might still run for president. Avenatti-Baldwin, 2020.”
Not to be outdone, Keaton’s Julian Assange pops in, calling himself the “architect of anarchy,” the “king of chaos” and the “scourge of the cleaning staff at the Ecuadorian embassy.”
“Y’all wanna know how crazy I am? Here’s how crazy I am. I’m wanted in the U.S. and Sweden. I’m from Australia. I live in London in Ecuador. You try figuring that one out,” he says. “Yeah, you cheat your schools, and you rob your companies. That’s cute. It is. I’ve attacked the U.S. military . . . because I’m an actual James Bond supervillain, and I’m one step away from destroying the goddamn moon. So you wanna get nuts, so let’s get nuts.”
Then, the characters spot rainbow-maned rapper Tekashi 6ix9ine, carried out by Melissa Villasenor, sitting throughout the nook, telling everyone he’s merely in for good outdated “robbery and gun stuff. It’s the best!”
“Well, we may both regret this. But Tekashi, do you need a lawyer?” Davidson’s Avenatti asks, together with “See, prison’s fun!”