After watching Monday night time’s episode of “The Actual Housewives of Orange County” — by which Vicki Gunvalson, Tamra Decide and Shannon Beador journey to Mexico for a bit of feminine bonding — I wish to stage an intervention with these Southern California blondes.
An inebriated and bare Tamra breaks her foot whereas attempting to turn out to be the cannonball champion of Puerto Vallarta in a scorching tub, Shannon drunkenly grabs her abdomen whereas screaming one thing like, “Take a look at my fats abdomen” and a glazed-over Vicki — who had possibly peed herself earlier — appears as if she was testing her tolerance for quaaludes.
It was like an AARP-sponsored feminine remake of “Animal Home” that received’t even make it to video.
Nevertheless it wasn’t their extreme alcohol consumption that was so worrisome. It was their seashore equipment.
In an embarrassing scene, Vicki and Tamra sport matching boxy trucker hats emblazoned with the tacky phrase “Adios Seashores.”
At one level, Vicki breaks out in hysterics. And it made me surprise if she was laughing as a result of she had gotten a glimpse of her middle-aged self sporting the official hat of the school dropout whose largest aspiration is to be a hostess at Pump.
An “Adios Seashores” topper is the kind of present you choose up at a mall kiosk on your vapid cousin’s birthday — since you don’t like him. It’s a second-generation Ed Hardy trucker hat.
Hell, I don’t even suppose Snooki would put on one.
Haven’t these ladies ever seen a classy straw seashore hat or perhaps a modern, plain baseball cap? I’d even forgive a stingy brimmed fedora on this case.
Vicki Gunvalson and Tamra Decide lounging in “Adios Seashores” hatsThe O.C. women and men have lengthy been the model pariahs of the “Actual Housewives” franchise. The ladies costume to indicate off their breast implants moderately than good style. Again when the housewives had husbands, their uniforms have been these horrific striped shirts with outsized cuffs that, when folded up, revealed a shiny paisley sample. And earlier than the ladies turned Bible-quoting Christians, they appeared to worship bedazzled fleur-de-lis the whole lot. So these hats are simply one other blip of their doubtful vogue spotlight reel.
With a purpose to defend us all from a repeat of this tragedy, I’d wish to suggest a federal regulation requiring distributors to not promote these kinds of hats to anybody over the age of 24. This regulation would assist many misguided non-Bravo celebrities and Bravo stars alike.
As a result of whereas I don’t thoughts seeing my housewives drunk and unhappy, I’d at the least like them be well-dressed whereas doing it. (See: NY.)