Pricey Amy: My husband and I are elevating my husband’s nephew, who’s 15. He has lied to us many, many occasions and sometimes utterly disregards the foundations which were established in our home.
This previous weekend my husband and I had been gone for the night and he was supposed to remain at dwelling, however when my husband and I got here dwelling at midnight, he was not dwelling.
I used to be very indignant and upset when he did get dwelling as a result of we didn’t know the place he was, and since he utterly ignored what he had been informed to do.
I informed him he was grounded. Now my husband says I overreacted and that it’s loopy for me to not count on him to disobey the foundations generally.
He ignores the foundations numerous occasions and I really feel when he ignores them there ought to be penalties. Am I loopy?
Pricey Anxious: I’m with you. You don’t say when you have different youngsters, but when your nephew landed with you, it appears potential that he has already had a tricky life. It’s essential take his circumstances under consideration, decide your battles and work collectively to get this child throughout the end line.
He’ll break the foundations — all teenagers do — however all of this might be made worse should you and your husband don’t agree on penalties. Teenagers have a method of falling by way of any parenting hole.
Leaving the home is severe. This can be a security concern. Affordable penalties would possibly assist him to see that, and to behave in another way sooner or later.
Pricey Amy: My nephew is lately engaged, and he and his fiancée are beginning to focus on wedding ceremony plans.
The bride and her household haven’t any cash for a reception. My brother and sister-in-law want to assist, however they really feel like they need to have a say within the planning, if they’re underwriting the occasion.
They don’t seem to be rich.
The bride would really like a ceremony on the seashore, however it’s impractical for a lot of causes, together with distance to journey and visitors with disabilities. The bride can also be growing a listing of visitors with out consulting concerning the numbers.
My brother and sister-in-law want to be included when the engaged couple take a look at reception venues, menus, and so on.
Are they unsuitable to wish to be part of the planning? Is there a tactful and useful solution to deal with these points?
I want to provide recommendation to my brother when he talks to me concerning the state of affairs.
— A Loving Sister and Aunt
Pricey Sister: There isn’t any a method to do that. I can perceive anybody who’s footing the invoice for an costly celebration wanting and anticipating to play a big position within the planning course of, however the draw back of that is the stress of wrestling with a younger couple for management of a day they see as theirs.
My favored method of dealing with this was proposed by a member of the family of a pal of mine, who stated, “Here’s a sum of cash I’m giving as a present to rejoice your marriage. You may both use it for a down cost on a house or spend it on a celebration. It’s as much as you.”
No matter your brother and sister-in-law select to do, they need to meet with the couple (not simply their son) and talk extraordinarily clearly and respectfully concerning the phrases hooked up to this present, and their expectations transferring ahead.
Pricey Amy: I appreciated your reply to “Dissatisfied.” Dissatisfied was a spouse whose husband routinely ignored her experience concerning pc and web points, whereas instantly trusting a male supply on these exact same questions.
Your author wasn’t “spousehacked.” She bought “hepeated.” Look it up!
— Trustworthy Reader
Pricey Reader: I did look it up, and right here’s what the web tells me about “hepeating.” This comes from astronomer and professor Nicole Gugliucci, who tweeted the phrase’s definition and tips on how to use it.
Right here’s Gugliucci’s Tweet: “My associates coined a phrase: hepeated. For when a girl suggests an thought and it’s ignored, however then a man says identical factor and everybody loves it.”
On the danger of “shepeating,” I used to be making an attempt very onerous to not label this as a gender-specific conduct, however as a respect concern between spouses. In brief, I’ve seen ladies do that, too.
As a result of this concerned cyber points, I believed I’d attempt to be intelligent and be aware that the spouse’s ideas had been ignored, then appropriated — thus “hacked.”